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Friday, April 24th, 2009
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9:23 am
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and the goddesses sent word that
this would be a red letter year
they didn't mention how much shit was gonna change around here
it's just as well we weren't swollen with unfocused dread
we had visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads
oh first you go under and then coming up gives you the bends
and when you break the surface all you can see is your friends
so you grab your purple crayon and flesh out the picture behind
and finally the whole world is made of one unbroken line
one unbroken line
when you're sick as a dog with dull eyes
and really bad hair
standing under a lit sign with the words 'on air'
and the water is rising it's coming in everywhere
just remember
you are there
you were always, always there
~ ani, red letter year
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| Sunday, April 6th, 2008
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9:22 pm
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post-grad law school is hard.
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| Friday, February 22nd, 2008
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8:09 am - imported toffee for breakfast
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may not be the smartest move in the world
but it's definitely improving the start of my day
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| Thursday, February 7th, 2008
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9:57 pm
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still waiting to start law. i keep procrastinating on doing all the reading by (CRINGE) ..... watching America's Next Top Model on youtube. I know, I know, but until you've seen it, you have no idea how addictive it is. my inner drama queen soaks it up like a sponge. also etsy is a fairly constant distraction.
on the other hand, i finally resolved that i'm only going to be working one day a week, plus tutes, this year. it's a lot less than i was planning, but i think i will really need the time. so, you know, i have the time, in theory...
i broke a window in my apartment today (!!! :S like, smashed a massive hole in it) and it was fixed by maintenance the same afternoon, so they are back in my (relatively) good books.
also, haircut! my hair is really short and really straight now - chin length bob, essentially, with a lot (A LOT) of layers, and a light side swept fringe. i never would have thought i'd manage to have a haircut like this, but it's working, and i love it to pieces. it works curly, it works straight, it even works when i've just woken up in the morning and don't even want to brush it :D :D perfect!
this is all fairly superficial bits and pieces sort of stuff. i guess cause i really just feel like i'm waiting at the moment. things are going to kick in so so soon though. and when i think about that, all i can think is, "bring it on".
(though that may just be the america's next top model in me talking :P )
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| Monday, February 4th, 2008
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5:21 pm
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back into everclear, and for some reason, back into this account. i've been meaning to start writing here again recently, and with today's burst of sheer pissed-off-ness, here i am.
the short version is, the maintenance men (GOD, i HATE maintenence men) turned up to put my compulsory air con in my new apartment today. not only did they not turn up when they said they would, but they moved all my fucking furniture, including a lot of personal stuff, and put the aircon unit on the GROUND, in the stupidest possible place. it's not like i have a lot of floor space, here, and i really would've appreciated it if they could be here when they said, so that i could, you know, talk to them about what they were going to do. also, my rings came in the mail and they are inexplicably too big, and it's humid which is making me even more cranky. but then, it seems, i get cranky easily lately. and i am trying not to freak out about my credit card debt, and my decreased wage, and all the other scary things that come from doing law full time.
(oh, did i not tell you? i'm going to be doing law full time. very exciting, when i'm not totally terrified about not buying any new clothes for two years. god i'm spoilt.)
anyway. there is my rant. there are so many good things in today for me to be upbeat about, but for some reason the last few days, i have been easily pissed off and not easily stable. or something.
some things i should really be happy about
--> i bought a hot dress today, and it was $140 OFF (yes, $240 reduced to $100) and a size 8! black tie season is coming up, after all.
--> i also bought myself cream roses, for $3 a bunch. fresh flowers always make my apartment feel much more lived in and homey to me.
--> juno is such a gorgeous movie. it reminds me so vividly of the people i knew in high school, and how badass they/we all thought they/we were. maybe they were. i certainly wasn't! also, kimya dawson did the music! i love her stuff.
--> eating relatively healthily, i guess. i find it really hard to tell recently, for some reason, what's healthy and what's not.
--> parcels in the mail. even if the rings were too big. parcels are fun. plus i'm still wearing the rings - they do fit, albeit loosely. they look like a constellation, all stacked together and silvery.
--> thunder is coming. i can hear it, but i can also feel it...
back to the law/money thing - i know i can live cheaply. i did it for years. i just ... there is part of me that really really doesn't want to go back to that. maybe it's associated feelings - when i think about having to count every ten cent piece, i think about how i really really didn't know who i was, about how i was just so lonely, about thinking love was being manipulated and treated like crap, about feeling like an alien whose home planet had just been blown up. [arthur dent is a lovable character for a reason, i guess.] but i'm not there any more. things are so, so different now, so much better than they've ever been. i just have to keep reminding myself (my subconscious?) of that.
plus, do you know how excited i am about study?? SO EXCITED.
i'm 99% sure it'll all be worth it.
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| Sunday, August 19th, 2007
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5:25 pm
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things are slowly getting better. the days get longer and more manageable. there is more sunlight.
i breathe easier. my chest is less tight, my stomach less clenched. i feel elongated, lighter.
time is moving more slowly.
i am thankful.
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| Sunday, August 5th, 2007
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10:35 pm
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we were fading like the bottom of a bad dream
we were heading south, looking for a good time
faces look so pretty in the spotlight
all blown out and bathed inside a world of white
sometimes i feel like i am holding it together
sometimes i feel like everything is fine
sometimes i feel like i'm out of control
i feel like i am falling
like my life is on a slide
i know it's wrong but i just can't seem to act my age
i know it's wrong but i just can't seem to control my rage
my heart is racing and i'm losing my mind
sometimes i feel like my life is on a slide
we were shining like the good part of a bad time
we were laughing happy just to be along for the ride
sometimes i feel like i am really lucky
i have made it through bruises scars a happy life
sometimes i feel like i am out of control
like my life is on a slide
~ slide, everclear
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1:44 pm
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| Friday, July 20th, 2007
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8:56 am
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took the evening primrose at around 10pm and woke up smiling this morning. people, this is a miracle drug!
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| Wednesday, July 18th, 2007
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9:13 am
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how is it possible for coffee to make SO much difference to my mood?? craziness.
also, spoke with the doc. she recommended evening primrose. now why didn't i think of that, hmm?
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| Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
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9:14 am
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this seems to be the start of the third month of out-of-control mood swings and general insanity and crying too much. i am not putting up with it. i am calling my endocrinologist TODAY. damn procrastination all to hell.
ed: of course, she is away for several weeks, and there are no appointments available at all until december, when i have one anyway. of course.
fuck being quiet and mopey and crying - bring on the rage! so much easier to deal with.
my prescription for me, until i can speak to the doc and get a proper one:
chocolate
tv watching (gilmore girls! house! grey's anatomy! the perfect distraction from your own angst is always other people's.)
rest
running a lot (i WILL be able to run all of prinnie by the end of the year)
not kicking myself quite so hard all the time
no drinking (it doesn't help my not-crying reflex)
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| Friday, July 6th, 2007
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2:14 pm
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I wasn't tagged by this person, but I do like the meme. So! Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so: Jayt Gauri Ryan Penny (hi Penny!) Pheebs
Then, answer these questions: What were you doing 10 years ago?
Man. Ten years ago, I was desperately trying to adjust to high school, and get people to like me. I can't believe that was ten years ago, it feels like so much longer. Ooh, also, I had my first desperate crush. Can't believe that was ten years ago, either. So funny (!) but at the time it was deadly serious. (High school: oh, the drama.) What were you doing 1 year ago?
A year ago, I was totally happy and excited. My best friend was visiting from overseas, I had this insane crush on a guy that was making me flip out in a huge way, and I got great marks back from my course. Funny to look back; so much has come to fruition since then :D . What are 5 snacks you enjoy?
Crisp granny smith apples with cheddar cheese, peanut butter on toast, melted cheese on toast, sultanas/dried apricots/dates/etc, ginger snap biscuits. What are 5 songs to which you know all the words?
Joni Mitchell's Green, The Last Time I Saw Richard, ... actually, the whole Blue album. There you go. What are 5 things you would do if you were a millionaire?
Buy a house. Go to New York and do the America road trip. Buy some stocks and play with them (and save a lot, too.) Send my siblings to college (if they wanted to go.) Give to charity. What are 5 bad habits you have?
You only want five? Sleeping in, not doing enough exercise, procrastinating about cleaning my house, eating way too much cheese, clipping my fingernails without regard for anything or anyone. What are 5 things you like doing?
Reading. Sleeping in. Going for runs. Cooking. Old Style Trivia Tuesdays. What are 5 things you would never wear again?
My school uniform. Those baggy fluoro hypercolour shirts. Jumpers with numbers on them (my mum knitted them when I was five.) Anything with a cartoon character on it. White pants. What are 5 favourite toys that you had when you were a kid?
Ummm... Lots and lots of books. More books. A stuffed bear called "Polar". There were others, but I didn't play with them. I had the books, you see. Go forth, ye tagged ones! Write stuff!
Ok, clearly my work boredom has reached its peak now...
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| Friday, June 29th, 2007
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10:04 am
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is it sad that i am not only excited about the spice girls reunion, i would actually like to go to the concert?
ahh, nostalgia...
i love the nineties.
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| Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
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4:08 pm
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for those who read it, there's a new blog post up!
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2:25 pm
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"I know it's lame to total up the things that millions of folks do every day and label them as "accomplishments." But since I am often extremely hard on myself, I'm going to call freebie on this one."
I identify with this woman, a lot.
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| Monday, June 4th, 2007
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4:07 pm
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i guess i'm through with people
i can just take less and less
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and i'll give all the lousy credit
to anyone who wants it
just let me lower the bar
let me lower the bar
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i guess i'm through with people
i say let's call it a wash
clean like a pickup on friday
stubborn like a pile of rocks
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i don't have to care
i couldn't like you less
...
i could put my drink down and walk away
it's a simple solution
to a complicated maze
i just remembered that i'm
through with people today
-- portastatic, 'through with people'
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| Wednesday, May 30th, 2007
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9:45 am
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| Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
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2:58 pm
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remember that post i wrote a while ago, the post about all the things i wanted? and there were things like "kitten!!" and "two pairs of ridiculously hot boots" ??
well, i may not have the kitten (YET) .... but i found the boots!
if i could post photos, i would. in the meantime, you will just have to have coffee with me and witness their magnificence in person.
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| Saturday, May 19th, 2007
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11:34 am
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i've started a new blog! i'll be using it predominantly from now on, returning here for snippets. comment if you'd like the url, and i'll let you know!
p.s. i will not be using my name on said blog. just so you know not to go there and shout it from the rooftops!
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| Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
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2:31 pm - a meme, for your (dubious) interest
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Four jobs I was really, really bad at: 1. Working at Nando's in the Collins St food court. Do you know how much I just DID NOT CARE? So very much.
2. Nannying two nightmare children in my street. They were the worst children I have ever looked after. EVER.
3. The first time I tried waitressing, (I was about 14) and I poured white wine into a glass that previously had red wine in it. The posh woman whose glass it was looked at me like I was an ant. I felt even smaller than an ant, though.
4. The second time I tried waitressing (I was maybe 16), and I could not carry coffee to save myself. Did you know I have an unsteady hand where hot beverages are concerned? You do now!
Four movies I could watch over and over:
Tootsie
Empire Records
Strictly Ballroom
Charlie's Angels / Tomb Raider / other girl power movie of undying cheesiness. Yes, really.
Four childhood memories and/or dreams.
sitting in my tree watching people and reading
standing outside in the rain because i didn't want to go back into class after recess telling the girls who bullied me in 4th grade (the second time around) that I was leaving the school
seeing the twins for the first time when we went in to visit Mum in hospital
Some celebrities I worshiped when I was little, and names I wanted instead of Eliza (also, you know, when I was not an adult) Brains from Thunderbirds. (He was my first crush. Yes, really. Nothing has changed!)
Anthony Warlow and Marina Prior
i always liked my name, but i was very very glad my dad didn't get his name choice (virginia!). a world of no.
also, i think if i had changed my name, i would've wanted something flamboyant and crazy. like 'velvet' or 'flame'. i do tend towards the understated, don'tcha know.
Four injuries I have sustained: dislocated shoulder when i was about 3
sprained fingers when i used to play basketball as a kid
when i was about ten, i was taking a cooking course, and while i was chopping parsley i sliced clean into my thumb and into the thumbnail. i still have the scar.
recent foot operation where they broke my foot, sawed some bone off, then pinned it back together with titanium. how cool am i!
Four celebrities I have bothered:
staring at Geoffrey Rush on public transport (though I suspect most Melbournites have done that)
going backstage to meet Marina Prior, Anthony Warlow, and various other opera celebrities. i'm sure there's something else they would've preferred to be doing!
once I met a guy at a party who i was SURE i had met before, maybe even hooked up with. i wandered around smiling at him and waiting for him to recognise me. after hours of this, and me actually talking to him and asking him if i'd met him somewhere, someone in a separate conversation told me he was on one of my favourite australian tv shows. so. embarrassed. i left immediately.
i also had the dubious privilege of meeting Viggo Mortensen. as i was escorting a group of hysterical 14-year-old girls (who were not even SEEING the movie he was there to promote) i'm pretty sure he would've been bothered. my sister has a framed photo of their "moment".
i tag: gauri, ryan, jayt, and both alex's. if you don't blog, you can send it to me, if you like!
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